Morning is a Long Time Coming
by Taniera Highfire
Summary: The most pristine and selfless emotion can only be seen when the mettle of a love unrequited is tried and found to be unblemished. RinSess.
1. Golden is the Evening

Morning is a Long Time Coming  
  
Disclaimer: Inuyasha is the property of Rumiko Takahashi. Rin, Sesshoumaru, Jaken, and Ah-Un are hers, as well as any other characters mentioned here that are from the series. This story is written purely for the enjoyment of fans and completely non-profit.  
  
(Note: For impatient Sess/Rin fans, you can probably skip this chapter and go to the next, if it's uploaded. This chapter may be a bit confusing. And no, Mykas never shows up again.)  
  
~The most pristine and selfless emotion can only be seen when the mettle of a love unrequited is tried and found to be unblemished.  
  
Chapter 1: Golden is the Evening  
  
Rin smiled as she often did, reaching into the water to pluck out a fish. Jaken was standing in the water with her. Both had their kimonos rolled up past their knees in a vain attempt to keep their clothes dry. In a slower stream, perhaps, the cloth would have been safe, but the spray generated by this mighty river soaked them both from head to toe.  
  
"Look, Jaken-sama!" she exclaimed happily, "Rin got a big one!" She held a huge silver fish in her hands somehow, even though it was so wide that both her hands could not have encompassed it. Since her skinny arms were obviously not covered with muscle and she was not unusually strong for a seven-year-old, the only thing that could have kept that fish in her grasp would have to have been the strength of her heart.  
  
"Awk!" Jaken squawked, staring wide-eyed at the struggling thing. He had never caught a fish yet, but Sesshoumaru always insisted that he accompany Rin on her food gathering operations, and Rin was never content to let him sit around while she got her food. She always dragged him in to 'help' her, despite his incompetence.  
  
Rin tried to toss the fish to the bank with a mighty heave of her arms. Its slimy scales slipped through her hands and she almost lost it, but she caught the tail at the last moment and flung it to dry land, where it flopped around, sputtering and gasping its last.  
  
"Okay, Jaken-sama," she said with a smile, "now you catch one and then we can get back to Sesshoumaru-sama." There was something different about the way she said 'Sesshoumaru-sama', something which always distinguished it from 'Jaken-sama'. Both titles were technically the same, but there was a greater respect in her voice for Sesshoumaru. A sort of awe and sweetness that Jaken's name would never take on. Sesshoumaru was her protector, he savior, her idol. She would love her Sesshoumaru-sama forever.  
  
"Bah, Rin, you know this Jaken cannot catch fish," he replied grumpily. He had to admit, that was a fine catch, and he resented her a tiny bit for it. "Besides, that one is more than big enough to feed us."  
  
Rin knew better than to argue. Jaken was, after all, correct, on both his estimation of his own skills and on the adequacy of the meal. She carefully picked her way back to shore and started to wring out her kimono. Jaken did the same.  
  
As she placed her hand into a gill of the now feeble fish, she asked Jaken, "Will Sesshoumaru-sama want any?" It was a wistful, foolish question, and she knew it, but she still asked it every day. Sesshoumaru never ate anything she found. In fact, as far as she could tell, he never ate at all. But that was impossible; all living things had to eat. She'd just never seen him doing it. Jaken, who had heard the question countless times, didn't bother to reply.  
  
Rin picked the fish up and slung it over her shoulder, and she and Jaken headed back to their camp.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
The fish, which Rin had stuck on a stick by the fire, took nearly an hour to cook. Rin had cleaned it and was now sitting by the flames, turning the fish every few minutes to make sure it was evenly done. The smell that was coming forth was heavenly, and she couldn't wait to sink her teeth in. It wasn't every day that she had time to catch any form of meat-- most of the time she had to make due with wild fruits and mushrooms.  
  
It was alright though. She was never stuffed, but she didn't starve. Sesshoumaru would always find her food if she was incapable of locating any. And Sesshoumaru kept her safe. He killed all the youkai that sometimes attacked her. He rescued her when that Naraku person tried to hurt her. He got her a new kimono. For all that Jaken said about Sesshoumaru hating humans, Sesshoumaru always took good care of her.  
  
Rin sighed. Sesshoumaru was late again. It was almost dark and still he had not returned. Where had he gone this time? Sometimes he went off to fight with his half-brother, or so Jaken said. Sesshoumaru never told her where he was going. He never told her much of anything. In fact, he never talked very much at all.  
  
Suddenly, Jaken, who had been grumbling about how bothersome she was, fell silent. Rin looked up, surprised. It was not like Jaken to be quite at all, except when Sesshoumaru was around. Jaken didn't really dare to speak much around Sesshoumaru. It was almost as though Jaken feared Sesshoumaru. Rin did not understand why. Sesshoumaru-sama was wonderful.  
  
"Ne, Jaken-sama, what--" she began, but Jaken cut her off.  
  
"Quite, Rin," he commanded, for once his voice more grave than shrieking. "I hear something coming."  
  
"Sesshoumaru-sama is coming?" Rin asked hopefully, but she could see something was wrong. Jaken was concentrating and looking upset. And Jaken never warned her when Sesshoumaru was coming back.  
  
"No! Foolish girl, as if I, Jaken, could hear Sesshoumaru-sama approach. This is..." He frowned, sniffing the air. A disgusted grimace settled on his face. "This is a human!" he spat.  
  
Jaken raised his staff menacingly at the woods around the clearing while Rin scurried back. True, the human could be a good human like that nice old herb lady who told Rin where to get the medicine for Jaken-sama, but the human could also be a mean human like the ones from Rin's old village. Or even worse, it could be a controlled human. Kohaku was so nice, but Rin was always afraid that Sesshoumaru-sama would kill him, especially if Kohaku got that dazed look again. And then there was that doctor who seemed good and then turned really evil and... Until Rin saw what kind of human this was, she would just stay back, where it was safe.  
  
After a few seconds of waiting, Rin finally began to hear the human. She could hear branches snapping and leaves crunching. She could also hear a cheerful whistling. Perhaps this was one of the good humans.  
  
Just as she was thinking this, a man broke out into the clearing. Rin looked up to see a slim, clean shaven man with kind eyes and wrinkles that could only have come from much smiling. He was dressed for traveling, though the bundle on his back was a bit odd in shape.  
  
"Back, human!" Jaken shouted as he waved his two headed stick menacingly. Rin remembered vaguely that the stick had a name, but it was a big long word and she couldn't remember it.  
  
"Ho! What's this?" the man said in a light, fluting tenor. He turned to look at Jaken, who was currently looking rather mad.  
  
"This is the camp of the great Taiyoukai Sesshoumaru-sama! I, Jaken, Sesshoumaru-sama's faithful servant and retainer, command you to leave at once or face the consequences."  
  
The man lifted an eyebrow. "I, Mykas, am a bard who is looking for work," he said, mimicking Jaken's style of speech in a way that could only be interpreted as mocking. "Seeing as I, Mykas, have been kicked out of my previous lord's manor, I, Mykas, have little to live off of. Surely," he continued in a more ordinary style of speech, "you do not plan to eat that entire huge fish by yourself?"  
  
Jaken lifted his stick up threateningly. "If you do not leave now, I, Jaken will--"  
  
Mykas was completely ignoring Jaken because he had now caught sight of Rin, who had been quietly listening to the conversation. "What's this? A human? I thought this was the camp of," Mykas puffed up his chest, once again making fun of Jaken, "'the great Taiyoukai Sesshoumaru-sama'. What's a human doing here?"  
  
Rin looked up at the man and smiled. He didn't seem so bad at all. And anyone who mocked Jaken certainly got points in her book. "Rin is Rin," she said, still smiling. "But Jaken-sama is right. You better leave before Sesshoumaru-sama gets here or Sesshoumaru-sama will be mad."  
  
"So this is Sesshoumaru's camp?" Mykas asked softly. Then he frowned. "He's not keeping you here against your will, is he?"  
  
Rin blinked. "No, Rin follows Sesshoumaru-sama."  
  
"Why would you follow a youkai?"  
  
"Because Sesshoumaru-sama saved Rin and Sesshoumaru-sama is nice to Rin." Then she paused for a second and added in a soft voice, "And because Sesshoumaru-sama is all Rin has."  
  
Mykas continued to frown, but he did not press the point. He was, after all, hungry. It was the scent of cooking fish that had attracted him here in the first place.  
  
"Leave, human!" Jaken screeched, trying to turn Mykas' attention back to himself.  
  
Mykas steeped forward and snatched the staff from Jaken's hands. He then whirled the stick around and soundly whacked the toad on the head. Jaken fell over, dazed swirls forming on his eyes. Rin giggled.  
  
"That ought to shut him up," Mykas muttered under his breath. "So, are you going to eat that entire fish?" he asked Rin. Rin shook her head and walked over.  
  
"No, Rin and Jaken would have eaten some of it and maybe saved some for later, but if you want some, there is enough for you too." She plopped down next to where the fish was cooking. "It's done now."  
  
Mykas sat down next to her and watched as she pulled the fish expertly from the fire and peeled it from the stick onto a leaf without getting burned. "So you really stay here with two youkai?" he asked as she blew on the steaming fish.  
  
"No, Rin travels with three youkai."  
  
"Oh, is the third out traveling with this Sesshoumaru?" he asked.  
  
"Hmm? No, Ah-Un is right behind you," Rin said, pointing.  
  
Mykas looked back and jumped, remembering just it time that he was right in front of a fire and that if he moved back, he would catch his pants on fire. "A dragon," he whispered, awed. Then the 'Un' part of Ah- Un stuck his head out of the woods. "A two-headed dragon," Mykas amended.  
  
He glanced over to Rin. "You really willingly follow a toad, a Taiyoukai, and a two headed dragon?" he asked in disbelief.  
  
"Hai! They are Rin's family," she chirped. "Rin loves them all. Well, Jaken-sama is sometimes mean and annoying, but then Sesshoumaru-sama just kicks him or steps on him, and then Jaken-sama is quiet. Just like what you did, actually," she added thoughtfully.  
  
She brought up the fish on the leaf and offered him some. It surprised him that she trusted him so much. He was a stranger and he had just knocked out her companion, after all. But then how much harm could he do her with a dragon at his back? No doubt the dragon would protect her should he try to hurt her. And she was just a child, and sometimes children could be very accepting of strange people and things. Come to think of it, if this had not been an accepting child, she would not be traveling with a group of youkai.  
  
Gratefully, he took a piece of the fish and began to eat. She did the same, and after she had taken her piece she placed the fish between them so that either could take any whenever they wanted.  
  
They ate in silence. When both were full, Rin set the remainder of the fish next to the unconscious Jaken and went back to the fire.  
  
"I can't pay you for the fish," Mykas started.  
  
"That's okay! Rin doesn't need money. Sesshoumaru-sama has lots!"  
  
"But," he continued, "I can offer you a story, or a song, if you like. I am a bard, after all."  
  
Rin stared at him, a little surprised. It had been a very long time since anyone had told her a story. Sesshoumaru and Jaken certainly never told stories. Ah-Un didn't talk. The nice man should really be going before Sesshoumaru found him, but maybe there was a little bit of time. This man wasn't like the other humans. He was easy to talk to. Sometimes she froze up around others, but she liked listening to him. It had been such a long time since she'd had real human contact...  
  
"Okay! Rin will hear a story, or a song! Rin doesn't care which."  
  
"How about I sing a ballad which is both a story and a song?" he asked with a light chuckle. How incredibly energetic this child was.  
  
"Hai!"  
  
"Then here is the story of a girl name Aurora, who fell in love with Darkness and went through a thirteen trials in one long night to get the one she loved, only to find her love fading with the sunrise."  
  
"Sounds sad," said Rin.  
  
"Yes, very sad," Mykas replied, reaching for the lute strapped to his back. He looked at Rin, strummed a sweet, but minor chord, and started to sing. "Aurora, the Morning Light,/ Aurora, with wings alight!/ Fell she, in love with Tarlyving/ in the golden light of the evening,/..."  
  
So he continued with the story while Rin listened with rapt fascination. She was crying by the end, though she did not understand every last word of the story, she got the general gist, and it was beautiful in its sadness. A love searched for, but never found. Rin sniffed sadly and wiped her nose.  
  
"There now, it's not all that bad," Mykas said warmly as he patted her back.  
  
"But she sounded so miserable and lonely..." Rin whispered.  
  
"Yes," he said, "that's why most people consider it a tragedy."  
  
"But you don't?" she asked.  
  
Mykas was surprised. He hadn't expected her to be so perceptive. "No, I don't. Because, if you remember, Midnight was merciful and let her be with her love for a time. And at the end, the last line is 'Aurora has Broken.' If you think about it, that can be taken two ways. One is that Aurora's heart and soul broke, and that is the common interpretation. The other is that 'Aurora has Broken' actually translates to 'Morning has Broken', since Aurora means 'morning', and that is a far more cheerful thought. It means that night has passed, that the darkness is over for her. She may not have her shadow- lover, but at least she has the light of day. And perhaps she is better off that way."  
  
Rin looked at him skeptically. "Rin doesn't think so," she said stubbornly.  
  
"Well then, believe as you will. Can I stay here for...?" There was a gust of wind and the rest of his words were lost.  
  
Rin gasped and looked up. The story had been quite long, and she'd lost track of time. In front of her, glowing white in the darkness, was a tall figure with a crescent moon on his forehead.  
  
"Sesshoumaru-sama!" she cried happily as she rushed up to greet him.  
  
Sesshoumaru ignored her, glaring at Mykas. His hand began to glow green. Rin looked down and swallowed nervously. She really should have gotten Mykas to leave earlier. She certainly didn't want to see him killed.  
  
"Ano, Sesshoumaru-sama, Mykas-san has been really nice. He's been telling stories and keeping Rin from being lonely. Please don't hurt him, Sesshoumaru-sama?"  
  
Mykas stared at the obviously powerful youkai. The little toad hadn't been lying after all. Taiyoukai Sesshoumaru, Lord of the Western Lands. What was he doing with a human girl anyway? Not that Mykas really had to know. Interesting that she dared speak to him like that, asking him to spare a life when he was obviously angry, but Mykas really didn't have the leisure to contemplate such things. He knew he'd better concentrate on saving his skin somehow.  
  
"I was just leaving, My Lord," he said as he stood up and bowed deeply.  
  
Sesshoumaru looked at him. Then glanced down at Rin, who was staring up with pleading eyes. Finally, after what seemed like forever, Sesshoumaru looked at Mykas again and commanded, "Leave."  
  
Mykas, who was no fool, scampered off as fast as he could.  
  
"Arigato, Sesshoumaru-sama," Rin said with a smile.  
  
"What happened to Jaken?" asked Sesshoumaru as he lazily turned to look at the prostrate toad.  
  
Rin contemplated not answering, fearing for Mykas' safety, but then again, she didn't want to upset Sesshoumaru. When it came down to choosing between the bard's life and her Lord's ire, the choice was not so difficult. He was Sesshoumaru-sama.  
  
"Jaken-sama was yelling at Mykas-san, so Mykas-san hit Jaken-sama on the head, Sesshoumaru-sama," Rin replied.  
  
"Did he now?" An ever-so-slight smile found its way to Sesshoumaru's lips. It was not quite what Rin had expected. She'd thought he would be angry, but now that she thought about it, he'd never cared much for Jaken anyway. Perhaps if Jaken had actually been injured or killed, Sesshoumaru would seek revenge, but Jaken was only unconscious, and Sesshoumaru himself had done worse at times. But Sesshoumaru almost never smiled. Rin had never expected him to be so... amused.  
  
Since Sesshoumaru didn't look like he was going to say anything else, Rin went to sit by the fire again. It was getting cold out--winter was coming. But the fire would keep her warm enough for now. She watched as Sesshoumaru settled down against a tree trunk, pulling his armor off to get some rest. Rin sighed contentedly. This was where she belonged. Here with these youkai was more 'home' than anything ha been in a long, long time. Here with Sesshoumaru-sama, her powerful and perfect guardian.  
  
These cozy thoughts filled her head as she fell asleep.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
Rin woke a little while latter, shivering. The fire had died down and a chill wind had picked up. She was very cold, now. Evidently, the fire was not enough. She would have to ask Sesshoumaru for a blanket of some sort when they reached the next village. Trembling, she looked around for something to cover herself with, but could find nothing.  
  
"Rin."  
  
Rin turned around and focused on Sesshoumaru, who was still resting against the tree. His eyes were open and glowing a rich gold in the dark of night. Had she woken him up with her stirrings, or had he never been asleep?  
  
"Hai, Sesshoumaru-sama?"  
  
"Why have you awakened?" There might have been something akin to concern in his voice, but Rin was shaking too hard to trust her ears on the finer points of emotion. He was more likely just annoyed.  
  
"Ano, Rin is cold, Sesshoumaru-sama." She curled her knees in towards herself and rubbed her arms and legs briskly.  
  
Sesshoumaru was quiet for a moment. He did not want to see her catch a cold. Human bodies were so weak. He knew she could become sick and die, and that was not a good thing. He did not want her to die. He had come to terms with that a while ago. After rescuing her for the umpteenth time, he had stopped wondering why he cared for her so much. He just accepted that he did. He did not want her to die because he wanted her to stay with him. Now, wouldn't it be stupid if he saved her all those times from youkai only to have her die because her body couldn't handle the wintry weather?  
  
He said, "Come here, Rin."  
  
Rin got up and hastily walked over to Sesshoumaru. She did not know what he was planning, but she hoped it would make her warm again. She did not like being cold. As she neared, he surprised her by pulling her down into his lap and wrapping his fluffy tail around her.  
  
"Are you cold now?" he asked, seemingly nonchalant, but Rin knew he worried about her well being, and that was a comforting thought.  
  
"No, Sesshoumaru-sama. Rin is not cold anymore. Rin is fine now. Arigato, Sesshoumaru-sama." Indeed she was not cold at all. The fluff around her acted as a blanket finer than she'd ever had. With it around her she was perfectly warm, and with his chest under her, breathing and beating, she felt perfectly safe.  
  
"Sleep, Rin," he commanded, and it was her joy to obey.  
  
Warm, protected, safe. That was what her Sesshoumaru-sama was. It was what he would be forever. Rin cared for nothing else, so long as she was with him. Yes, it was enough, more than enough. She was with her Sesshoumaru-sama; what greater delight was there in the world? This was the most flawless evening in best of all possible worlds.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
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Author's Note: No, Mykas never shows up again, Yes, Rin does fall in love with Sesshoumaru... next chapter. See ya there! 


	2. Treacherous is the Twilight

~The most pristine and selfless emotion can only be seen when the mettle of a love unrequited is tried and found to be unblemished.  
  
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Chapter 2: Treacherous is the Twilight  
  
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The birds were singing now. Spring had just begun. If Rin had to choose a favorite time of year, perhaps she would have chosen spring, when warmth seeped into the hardened earth and leaves sprouted anew from barren branches. But she loved all times of the year, even the bitterest of winters, for now she had a home, and there was always a hearty fire when she was cold. Home in Sesshoumaru's castle, where they now lived, where they had been living since Naraku's defeat. Her room on the second floor, surrounded by gardens filled with all her favorite flowers. There had been a time when she took care of that garden by herself, but...  
  
"Rin, cease your daydreaming!"  
  
She used to love digging in the soft earth and planting delicate bulbs. She used to love to sing as she trimmed the trees and picked the weeds. There had always been a great joy when she walked beneath the branches she cared for, when she scent of her blossoms drifted through her balcony. There used to be a ladder hanging down from the edge, so she could go directly to the garden any time she wished. But now...  
  
"Rin, are you listening to me?"  
  
Now she had to do other things.  
  
Rin turned back from the window, sighing lightly as she turned to her literary tutor. He was an old man with lost eyes and a face so full of wrinkles that no one could tell whether they were lines of laughter or of sadness. She'd often caught him in a daze as well, so he had no right to berate her for being inattentive.  
  
"Hai, Keron-sensei." Her voice was softer than it had been when she was a child. Slightly richer and more resonant, but it had not grown too deep. Perhaps it was because she was thin as a stick. In Rin's experience, thin ladies did not have deep voices. She also believed that her skinniness made her clumsy. Ever since her height started shooting up at the beginning of winter she seemed to do nothing but trip over her own arms and legs. Fifteen was such an awkward age.  
  
"Then stop looking out the window and read. It is a masterpiece, a true work of literary genius," Keron said, jabbing his finger down at the paper before her. "I intend for you to finish the stanza before I release you to your dance class."  
  
Rin sighed again before looking down at the poem before her. Or at least, Keron called it a poem. It was longer than many of the book's he'd had her read. "Why must I?" she asked. "It is from a country far away, which I will never go to. It's spring, Keron-sensei," she added wistfully. Sometimes it was so very difficult to keep herself from jumping up and running wild outside as she used to. She could still run, and she could still laugh, and sing, and play, but she had to do it with grace. Right now, she didn't have any grace.  
  
"Because," he said in a long-suffering tone of voice which showed that he had argued this point with her many times, "it opens your mind. It forces you think and makes you more intelligent. Intelligence is a desirable trait, one which will be possessed by anyone worth knowing. Sesshoumaru-sama wishes you to learn it, so I'm sure he will find you a husband who will properly value your intellectual talents. Besides, it is a wonderful story. Someday, perhaps you will tell it to others."  
  
"A husband," Rin whispered, her mind once again drifting off. She saw in her mind a lean and handsome man with a winsome smile. But somehow, that image looked wrong. No, she decided, she wanted a more serious man. He could be charming, but not... well, not jolly or anything. Still, something was not quite right. It was hard to visualize something when she didn't really know what she wanted.  
  
Keron saw that he'd lost her attention once again, and he gave up for the day. "If you can't concentrate here Rin, go to your dance instructor. I'm sure some physical activity will perk you up." Then he glanced around conspiringly and said in a low voice, "You know, I hear Sesshoumaru is inviting all sorts of princes, warriors, and lords here as soon as the roads dry. Just more than a dozen males of rank for miles around and their courts are to come here and stay in this enormous castle and the immediately surrounding lands. He doesn't strike me as one to hold a court for amusement." Keron reached over and tweaked Rin's nose, as both a gesture of affection and to make sure he had her complete attention. "For whose benefit will they be here?"  
  
Rin's eyes widened in shock. She'd never expected Sesshoumaru to do that for her, and certainly not now. It was too soon. Of course, she knew that many village girls were married and had children by her age, but she was still learning. Did he expect her to choose someone this instant?  
  
Keron, seeing her nervousness, chuckled. "I don't think I was supposed to tell you that, but the harm's done. Don't worry," he continued, as though he'd read her mind, "I don't think Sesshoumaru-sama expects you to make a decisive choice anytime soon. This is just... how do I put it... experimentation. Now go to dance. My, my, child, you can be brilliant when you try, but when you get absentminded one must say something a thousand times before you hear."  
  
"Gomen, Keron-sensei," Rin said with a smile as she leaned over and pecked her teacher on the forehead. She gathered her kimono and rose from the chair in one fluid motion. She didn't have an etiquette and posture teacher, but she didn't really need one. She was always trying to imitate Sesshoumaru, and he was the exemplar of graceful elegance. Her kimono was getting short again. Soon Sesshoumaru would have to but her a new one. Would she ever stop growing?  
  
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Rin twitched nervously as she adjusted the obi on her Nagagi. Shimmering red silk fell to her feet, the gold embroidery on the cloth catching every nuance of the candlelight. Tonight she would formally come out before the assembled court. She had been introduced to some of the lords as they'd come, but now everyone would be there. The courting would begin.  
  
She frowned down at herself. Why couldn't Sesshoumaru have waited a few years before he did this? She was grateful enough for his effort in finding her a worthy husband, but did he have to choose now? Now when she was flat-chested with lanky limbs and red spots which kept appearing at the edges of her face. He was asking those poor lords to go on a lot of faith, having them to court her when she was so ugly. Who knew how she'd turn out? Perhaps that was the point. Perhaps he didn't want them to choose her for her looks. Still... Rin sighed. She would have wanted to at least feel beautiful when she met her future husband.  
  
Absently she raised her hand to scratch her nose, only to remember a moment later that she was not to touch her face because of the makeup. Her hair was done up in an annoying manner as well, but there was nothing she could do to ease the discomfort. The poor maids had spent nearly an hour on its intricate loops and inane jewels. Whatever the pain and itch, she did not wish to ruin all their hard work.  
  
This will only be one night, she told herself. Tomorrow she could be herself again.  
  
~*~  
  
"Prince Shanyue, of the Chinese Moon Clan," Jaken squawked imperially.  
  
"Pleased to meet you, Shanyue-dono."  
  
"Lord Manako, of the Cat Clan."  
  
"I am honored to make your acquaintance, Manako-dono."  
  
Rin took a moment to glance fugitively at Sesshoumaru. Her back hurt from sitting up so long and the line of introductions still continued as far as she could see. There was absolutely no way she could remember more than two or three of the entourages every prospective mate brought, yet here she had been introduced to more than seven. And still they kept coming. She wanted to take a rest, get a drink of water, perhaps slouch just a little. But Sesshoumaru sat there, still as a mountain, gracefully inclining his head to the worthies. If Sesshoumaru could stand this, so could she. She would not anger him. She would not disgrace him. She would not seem ungrateful.  
  
But how much she hated this formality!  
  
"Lord Manako's sister, Akanine."  
  
"A pleasure to meet you, Akanine-dono."  
  
Rin continued for a long time, trying to be attentive, but she always found her mind drifting.  
  
"Lord Aki of the East," Jaken proclaimed again, and Rin prepared to answer, but as she looked up, her breath was stolen away.  
  
The others had been fair, but Aki was beautiful in an absolutely devastating way. His fair hair fell just to his shoulders, and there was a small quirk in his mouth, as though he longed to smile at a joke no one else could hear. Even his long lashes and fine brows glowed a soot- speckled gold. And, oddly enough, he was most definitely human, with the rare aquamarine eyes that would lead a girl far, far away. Youkai, Rin decided, still speechless, were allowed to be this handsome. Heigar, one of her first introductions, and the one she had the greatest interest in, had been a youkai. And Heigar was decidedly more gorgeous than this Aki, but Aki was a human. If Rin ever chose to care about such things, Aki was far closer to her rank and her age.  
  
"Ay me," said he when she failed to find her voice, "what a lovely lady!" He reached forward in a move of great daring and brought her hand to his lips. Rin felt her face heat up as Sesshoumaru growled slightly beside her. Aki flashed a dazzling smile and met her eyes before he bowed and turned away. Jaken didn't look altogether pleased, and Rin didn't dare look at Sesshoumaru. She hoped Aki wasn't going to be kicked out, though.  
  
Jaken cleared his throat. "Tija..." he continued, but Rin found it ten times more difficult to concentrate. She couldn't think past those beautiful eyes and golden hair.  
  
~*~  
  
"Indeed, yes, this is a wonderful garden!" Aki exclaimed as he walked between her carefully cultivated hibiscus rows. He turned and grinned at her and Rin blushed prettily in return. "Do you come here often?" he asked.  
  
"I used to work in it myself, Aki-sama, before my lessons started," Rin replied, glancing wistfully at the shrubs she once cultivated, at the myriad colors which lay in perfect harmony in a perfect little world.  
  
"Truly?" He was genuinely surprised, but Rin was pleased note no sneer of contempt in his voice. He did not find the labor of the hands demeaning, as so many of the lords did. Heigar had not respected her will to remain close to nature. To him a lady's place was watching the flowers, not digging in the ground in a rough cotton robe.  
  
"Yes," Rin whispered as a butterfly alighted on her finger. She held out her hand to Aki and laughed when his gasp of shock sent the butterfly fleeing away. "I often wish I still did, but I not have the time to take proper care of it anymore. Sesshoumaru-sama has his gardeners work on it now."  
  
Aki turned his head to regard her, his hair flashing a heavenly gold in the brilliant as he did so, though his face now fell into the shadows. "I understand he saved your life. Does he take good care of you?"  
  
"Hai. I have everything I could want. Fine clothes, good food, lovely trinkets, this garden," she spread her arms out, twirling in a graceful, light-footed circle, "this garden all to myself, and the best teachers money can buy." She took a deep breath and let it out slowly, eyes sparkling and face aglow with light. "Everything I have asked for has been given to me by Sesshoumaru-sama."  
  
"That name," Aki murmured softly, a subtle, thoughtful edge coloring his words. "You speak it so melodiously, as though it were a caress."  
  
"Sesshoumaru-sama?" Rin asked dubiously.  
  
"Yes, that one," Aki stated in a serious tone that completely differed from the light and joyous man Rin had gotten to know. Aki of the million jokes and ready smiles, Aki would walked with a bounce in his steps, who swung her in his arms and enchanted her with stories of his beautiful home. Aki, whom she had fallen in love with. Aki... why didn't she love him anymore?  
  
The racing heart had slowed and the fog had disappeared. She still cherished deep in her heart the way he acted and the way he treated her, but it was not the same. Try as she might, she could not get back the original feeling of paradise around him. She could no longer say with any surety that she would be utterly content by his side forever.  
  
"What distinguishes him from the rest of the world?" Aki continued.  
  
Rin thought about this for a few minutes as they walked in a heavy silence. "Sesshoumaru-sama has given me everything. Sesshoumaru-sama never hit me. Sesshoumaru-sama protected me. Sesshoumaru-sama took me in. Sesshoumaru-sama brought me back from the dead." She continued back through her life, wondering how to explain what made him so special to her. "Sesshoumaru-sama came back for me."  
  
"I could take care of you," Aki said sadly. "I would never hurt you, and I would protect you. Is it not enough?"  
  
"It is," Rin said earnestly as she stared up into his eyes. She wanted to mean it. She wanted to assure him that she would be perfectly content at his side, that his love would be all she needed, but in her heart, she knew it was a lie. "But it's not the same," she continued stubbornly, ignoring the voice within her which might have told Aki the truth. How much more could she say without losing her true self in the lies? "I don't need rescuing anymore. I'm not seven anymore. Sesshoumaru- sama came back for me, and then I knew I would never be alone again, because someone in the world cared. Sesshoumaru-sama cared even though I was a dirty little human girl who had so foolishly offered him food and drenched him with water. He was the first person in the longest time. I don't remember anyone who had been kind before him. He is the beginning of my life."  
  
Aki didn't respond, and Rin knew that he guessed some small part of what lay within her. He had heard what she'd refused to say. He turned his face away, the golden aura around his hair dying off as his face turned again towards the light. The two began to walk in silence again.  
  
Finally, as Rin grew worried that she had said the wrong thing and angered Aki, he smiled that stunning smile of his again and asked, ever cheerful, "Tell me, I know you must love all of these, but which flower is your favorite?"  
  
"My..." Rin looked around. She'd never thought about it before. It was a difficult choice. How she cherished them all! But suddenly, softly, a beam of sunlight suddenly stuck a particular flower, and her heart turned. Yes, she decided, I do love that one most. "The Amaryllis," she replied.  
  
He let out a fair and floating laugh then, and that secret, half- smile floated at his lips again. "Tell me, my dear, have you studied other languages?" he asked.  
  
"No," she replied, surprised at the question. "Why do you ask?"  
  
"Because the flower suits you well. Amaryllis means, 'one with sparkling eyes.'"  
  
"You're eyes are prettier than mine," Rin pointed out, almost bitter.  
  
"Ha!" he challenged, "Mine are the blue eyes of the outer ocean, of the great deep, of the snow in winter twilight, but you, you have chestnut eyes of the earth's warm joy beneath the shade of mighty mountains. Yours are the eyes of the thousand-year-old trees and the newborn saplings. Yours are that which glimmers with polished bronze and warm fires. I have the eyes of distant, forlorn wastes, but you have the eyes of life. There is a great difference. Yours are fairer by far."  
  
Rin blinked, speechless once again. That was beautiful, and he danced as he spoke it, a pulsing line beneath all his words which told her he meant what he said. Yet his tone was light, sweet, and joyous, imploring her to understand, catching her and pulling her in. Yes, a girl would be insane to refuse a man like him, and yet... suddenly Aki stopped mid-stride, his brows knitting as his jovial mood disappeared.  
  
"What's wrong?" Rin asked, concerned.  
  
"I just remembered something. Amaryllis means 'one of sparkling eyes,' but Amara means 'bitter'. It doesn't fit you at all, but somehow, it came to my mind and will not leave. I thought I lacked the ability to prophesy which has cursed so much of my family, and yet I could swear... that some sort of trouble..." He stared at Rin, and then behind her, squinting, as though he could not quite see what was there. "Never mind," he finally amended, "it was probably nothing."  
  
"Don't worry. If there is danger, Sesshoumaru-sama will protect me!" She nearly glowed as she said that, and there was such trust and surety in her voice that Aki could not bear to look at her. How could he have allowed himself to fall in love with one whose heart had long been taken?  
  
~*~  
  
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~*~  
  
"I hear Heigar-dono has taken a real interest in you," Keron remarked offhand when he saw Rin drift off again. She was usually decently attentive in her lessons, but every once in a while, no force on earth could get her to concentrate.  
  
"Taken an interest in my dowry and alliance, is what you mean," Rin scoffed. She yawned and stretched up, feeling another of those uncomfortable jiggles in her chest. Perhaps she should ask her dance instructor about it. She would ask Sesshoumaru, but seeing as he didn't have any... wobbly chest, it might not be the best idea to approach him. "I assure you Heigar has no interest in me. For all his perfect looks and stunning wit, he's got something against females and humans, both of which I, unfortunately, am."  
  
"You used to be quite smitten with him."  
  
"I grew out of it, once I found out how much of a jerk he was."  
  
"You seem more smitten still with Aki-dono now." Keron glanced over at Rin slyly, hoping to catch some indications of her thoughts on the human prince. He was surprised to see her neither embarrassed nor love-struck. On the contrary, she looked confused and annoyed.  
  
"Keron-sensei, how do you know what love is?" she asked suddenly.  
  
"Why do you ask?" He was not surprised that she asked, since it was something he had once wondered. The young always wish to know such things. Still, the entire castle assumed she was in love with Aki, so she should have some idea, right?  
  
"Once, I thought I loved Heigar, but I found he was cruel, so it made sense that I did not like him any more. Then, I thought I fell in love with Aki. Aki was so sweet and he always treated me well. He's handsome and learned and charming with a great sense of humor. Any girl would give her left arm to have him, and the more I get to know him, the more virtues I uncover. There's nothing wrong with him, and yet, I don't think I love him anymore. Does love dull with time, Keron-sensei? I feel warmth, but it somehow doesn't seem like love." Rin sighed and rested her pointed chin on her palm.  
  
"There are many kinds of love," Keron answered thoughtfully. "For example, I love you, and I dare say you love me as well. But it is not something to marry over. Your parents probably loved you too. Just warmth is enough for many, many marriages, if both husband and wife enjoy each other's company. There is also love which strikes like lightning and fades as quickly, leaving a very discontent couple. It all depends. Do you think you would be happy with Aki?" he asked.  
  
Rin pondered this for a very long time. Finally, she said, "I like Aki very much, but I want him to stay here. I don't want to leave with him. I don't know if I'd be happy away from here, even if Aki were where my new home was. Do you understand, Keron-sensei?"  
  
"Perhaps that is just homesickness, a desire to cling to the familiar. It is nothing unusual. You would, of course, be allowed to visit. If that is all that holds you back, you should accept him."  
  
"No," Rin said, shaking her head. "It feels wrong somehow, marrying Aki. As wrong as marrying Keiri or Pargee, who have also been nice to me, and who have such beautiful voices I could listen to them forever. I like them all, and I know I flirt with them every day, but the prospect of marrying any of them... it strikes an arrow through my heart. It feels wrong," she repeated stubbornly.  
  
Rin was very sad then, because she did not understand why her heart was being so confusing. Could it not simply love Aki? Then all would be well. Keron saw her distress and tried to answer as best he could.  
  
"Love should never feel wrong," he replied. Then, he turned his face away and closed his eyes. "It should lift you heart and make you soar. As though, each time you see her, your heart fills and your eyes tear, because you love her that much. The rest of the world doesn't matter. Eternity and heaven don't matter, because she is just... everything."  
  
Rin was stunned. "Were you in love, Keron-sensei?"  
  
He chuckled and turned back to her, smiling warmly. "I still am," was his simple reply.  
  
"Then where is she?" Rin asked.  
  
"Ranin was killed in war three decades ago, along with our two sons and darling daughter. I had been traveling, so I was spared. She was so very lovely, my Ranin. Tender eyes and a gentle smile, always waiting for me, welcoming me home after my long quests for knowledge. And I came home one day, and they had all died, bodies broken and strewn on the floor." He voice just stopped then, as though something had caught in his throat, and tears flowed down the lines of his aged face.  
  
"I'm sorry," Rin whispered.  
  
"Don't be. I always try to keep her memory alive." Then, still thinking of Rin's original question, he continued, "Falling in love with her was gradual, until one day, I realized I couldn't live without her, so I asked her to marry me, and to my great joy, she accepted. There is nothing I desire more than to join her again, even after all these years."  
  
"Then," Rin began, "then why are you still here?"  
  
"Because suicide is a terrible waste, Rin." He looked her strait in the eye and took her hands in his as he continued. "Even though you might go through the direst pain, suicide is never a solution. Just because you lost your comfort and your great fire does not mean you should deprive others of your warmth. And it does not mean you cannot enjoy the small pleasures all around you. If I die, all the good I could have done would be cut short. Perhaps this would lead to more suffering. I would not be your teacher now. I would never have known you." He smiled sadly.  
  
"I still love Ranin," he continued, "even though she is not with me, even though she cannot show me her love, but I know she's waiting for me, and I will live my life here until my work is done. I will join her with a clear conscience, knowing that I have done my best to help others. I will continue though she is gone, and her kindness lives on in me."  
  
Silent streams of tears flowed down Rin's face as well, because she never knew he carried this much pain around. How could he continue, day to day, never having the one he loved? Where did he find the strength not only to live, but to look normal? "Is that what love is?" she whispered.  
  
"Yes," he replied. "Love is not the stuff of epic tragedies. It is not slaying a rival or yourself when love is denied. It's continuing without your love, because you know it is what they want you to do. It's allowing them to be happy, even if you must suffer. You don't need to demand their attention, because... because you are attending to them."  
  
He sighed softly and glanced over to Rin, whose eyes were red and puffy and who was sniffing rather piteously. He knew he had deeply touched her, and he truly hoped she'd take his lesson to heart. She was one who would love, and when she did, she'd give that love passionately, with all that was in her. But the path might not be so smooth. He didn't want her to do anything foolish, to ruin her life or anyone else's. Though she was usually sweet tempered, she was young enough that she might go into fits of rage when her heart took over. She still wore her emotions on her sleeve, after all. She did not bear the scars that would force her shield herself. If heaven was merciful she would.  
  
"There now, child, I've distressed you," he said gently, patting her on her back as she hiccupped. "Go clean up. It's not so terrible, really. I'll do fine. It's almost my time anyway. I'll see her then."  
  
"I don't want you to die, Keron-sensei!" Rin screamed as she buried her face into his shirt.  
  
"Of course not, child. Not anytime soon. Now go to dance. I believe you're late again."  
  
~*~  
  
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Rin looked up curiously as she closed the double brass doors of Sesshoumaru's study behind her. Had he noticed her entrance? Of course he had, but he did not look up from his work. Well, that was only to be expected. Why would he stop writing his important documents just to talk to her? Rin smiled slightly as she glanced around. The setting sun cast an ethereal light around the circular room, which had shockingly expensive glass windows plated around half its circumference. From sunrise to sunset, whatever the season, light always shone into this chamber. The most beautiful time, though, was high noon at midwinter, when the southern tilt of the sun caught the glass perfectly, and for a few minutes, the room filled with shattered rainbows. Perhaps Sesshoumaru had designed it this way.  
  
Her eyes drifted to Sesshoumaru next, the solitary figure at his desk, facing her. Pearly hair washed with the gold of sunset so that its strands matched the patient fire in his eyes. Rin had long ago decided that Sesshoumaru was not emotionless, nor was he indifferent to the world around him. He looked so to the outer world, but inside, he was waiting for something. Something she could not begin to fathom. He did destroy, and he did hold much of the world in contempt, but he did nothing without purpose. The rest of the world might see what it wished, might label his actions as good or evil, but Sesshoumaru himself was working towards a secret end in the far distant future.  
  
She continued to gaze at his flawless skin, his blood-like markings, and his elegant, deadly fingers. Suddenly, she was overcome with vertigo, and the world seemed to flicker away at her feet. One step more, and she would fall.  
  
"Rin."  
  
It was the voice of wooded mountains, of lavish forests. It was the rumble that came before the storm, the whisper of the clouds which covered the whole earth. It was Sesshoumaru.  
  
The chasm opened beneath her.  
  
"Hai, Sesshoumaru-sama?" she managed after a short spell, answering from far away.  
  
"Do you know why you have been called here?" he inquired  
  
Carefully, unsure of what had happened, Rin pulled herself back to the here and now, so she could giver her full attention to Sesshoumaru. What had that feeling been? Unconsciously, her hand moved toward her heart. Nothing, it was nothing. Perhaps she had a little fever.  
  
"No, Sesshoumaru-sama, I have no idea," she replied softly, staring down at her feet. Always before, she had looked him in the eye, but now she found her head too heavy to lift.  
  
"There is little time before dinner, so I will be brief." Sesshoumaru rested his hand lightly on the table before him, drumming with his fingers in an uncharacteristic display of discomfort. His face remained passionless. "I understand that a few of the lords I invited have shown great interest in you. The ones whom you ignored have already left, but those you favor have remained. Today I received your first formal marriage request."  
  
"Who is it?" Rin asked, so excited that her eyes shot up to look at Sesshoumaru. "Is it Aki?"  
  
Sesshoumaru leveled his cool gaze at her, as though calculating her response. "Heigar has asked for your hand. He seemed to have no doubt about your answer."  
  
Rin recoiled as though she were burned. She did not like Heigar. In the beginning, he had been alright, but now she would not consider spending even a week with him. "No!" she cried vehemently.  
  
Had Sesshoumaru been another person, he might have asked why, or at least maybe raise an eyebrow. But he only continued to stare, and then asked, "Should I inform Aki that you await his word?"  
  
Here Rin had to pause and think. Of all the suitors, she loved Aki best, but somehow she knew that she did not want to be his wife. She just didn't want to. Something was wrong. "No," she finally said. "No, even if he were to propose, I would not accept."  
  
"Why not?  
  
"I don't know, Sesshoumaru-sama," Rin sighed, "but the answer is just no." Slowly, her hands clutched the cloth of her pink kimono and she held onto it as a lifeline.  
  
He took a deep breath, but questioned her about Aki no further. "Autumn is fast approaching," he stated. "Your suitors, lords all, missed the planting season to come here. I know they are eager to return to oversee the harvest. Should I send them home, or is there someone you wish to stay, whose offer you would accept?"  
  
"No." Rin spoke with certainty. After all, she had already rejected Aki. "I will not marry without love, and I am in love no one."  
  
/Liar,/ she whispered in her own mind, for she knew it was true. /Liar./ Her hands tightened still further on her kimono. /Sesshoumaru- sama. I would marry you./ The realization hit her like a rockslide. So swiftly did it come upon her that she almost blurted it out. Why had she never noticed before?  
No, of course she had known before. She had always known. But how long had she been running? And why was it suddenly impossible to run anymore? She thought she'd pulled herself out of the chasm, but now she knew that she had fallen in long ago, and that it was no longer possible to climb back. She looked up at him with dazed eyes.  
  
/I love... Sesshoumaru-sama./  
  
But how could she? He was her lord, her father, her guardian spirit. When had she fallen in love? Why did it have to be with him, who hated humans? He would not love her back, not like this. Her heart sped up until each beat sent waves of pain through her body. /Yes, I have loved him for a very long time. But ever before, I could just step away and think of other things. Now I cannot run. Now I know my heart, and it hurts, it hurts.../  
  
"Rin, what's wrong?"  
  
"Nothing, Sesshoumaru-sama. I think the stresses of today have wearied me. I just need a little rest." Without waiting for his response, she turned out of the room and fled. If she stayed any longer, she might do something she regretted. The halls, familiar but cold, blurred around her.  
  
In her room Rin began to weep. She loved him, she loved him. What was wrong with her? She knew better than that. Hopeless, it was hopeless, but her heart would not leave her be. Saffron eyes, sterling hair, sacred voice. Patient, tender, and noble. Savior, friend, and protector. He was not so cold that she did fall for him, not so cruel that she was repelled.  
  
What had happened? Once she could have lived the rest of her life happily by his side as his Rin. Who cared about husbands? She could braid flowers into his hair and sing in the garden and dance with the wind. She had been perfectly content in his presence before. Now, how would she be able to walk nonchalantly beside him? How would she stay normal when she spoke to him? How would she live? What had gone wrong? Treachery, such treachery.  
  
Why had her heart betrayed her?  
  
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Author's note: I'd be very glad if someone would beta read all these chapters and highlight any stupid mistakes (like se instead of she, word repeats and sentences that just plain don't make sense) and send it to me at "plato_on_fire@yahoo.com". Sometimes I really don't have time to proofread with all my schoolwork. (Wow! One of my friends just showed me that this site has reviews. Wah! So cool!) All literary criticism welcome! (Be it sociological, moral, psychological, formal, or archetypal... and if you know what those (the five schools of literary criticism) are, kudos! ^_~ No, just kidding. But if you do critique it in one of the fields, do archetypal, 'cause I like it best!)  
  
And man, these fanatic fictions are harder to write than they look. It's all coming out so wrong; I might revamp the plot to fit the characters better. They didn't act this way when I played this out in my head, ya know... I swear I'm not crazy, really! And if and when I ever revise this, some of those super long descriptions have got to go... *shudders* Not to mention Midnight was supposed to be introduced in this chapter, and look, she's not! Neeeeeeext Chappy, people! (Which will likely not be up until after the AP exams and the June SAT tests. I don't like to study, but suddenly it has become a necessity... .) 


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